When does a passion become an obsession? It is for some, including myself, a very fine line. It's taking a particular interest to the next level, where you almost become consumed by it. It becomes problematic for the individual to find balance. I've often wondered, WHY I have the need to take everything I do to extremes and go "above and beyond" in everything I take on. It's a constant desire to excel, and be perfect in all I do. It's not enough for me to live in the moment. I'm always "reaching for the stars" as my Mum puts it. She cross stitched an angel catching a star in a net and framed it for me. It now hangs in my home as a poignant reminder. It is perhaps the very reason I am able to do for a living what I do.
So let me get to the point. Luke and I were out and about yesterday. After taking Ella to the bus-stop, without a hitch, I might add, we ran errands. Can you believe he stood quietly in line with me for 10 minutes at the Post Office? In fact, he was SO good all day, I took him to Barnes and Noble after we'd finished to allow him to play with the trains. His interest lasted all of about 2 minutes so we picked up a couple of sticker books and then I decided to check to see if they had a motorcycle DVD. "A what?", did I hear you say? That's pretty much the look I got from the store assistant who proceeded to search her database.
Luke is fascinated with motorcycles, and in particular the "boys" with "how-mets" that ride them. When we see them in the parking lot he insists on a diversion to get a closer look, and he's the first to notice a motorcycle anywhere (and whether or not the rider is wearing a helmet).

Unfortunately, the lady did not have any "suitable" motorbike DVDs, so Luke (in bewilderment) and I left the DVD section. As chance might have it, he noticed something from the corner of his eye, took off and made a B-line for it. The next thing I know, he's waving a book at me, saying "this one". It was, of course, a motorcycle book, the one about "advanced technique" no less. He had to check there were helmets inside of course, before completely settling on it, but then the sticker book was tossed to the side, and he proceeded to sit quite happily thumbing through the pages, for a good half an hour, while I looked at books. He also stopped all other passer-bys, to ask if they had any motorcycle DVDs. The general reaction was a mixture of both surprise and also delight.
Passion verses obsession is possibly a trait I will always share with Luke. The more I read about Aspergers, the more I recognize myself as being "somewhere on the Autistic continuum". I'm reading a really good book at the moment. I'm generally not a reader and don't have a lot of time for fiction. I really don't see the point unless I have time to kill. Why not just watch the movie? (A unique and blunt sense of reasoning that is also a trait often held by those on the continuum).
However, when I want to learn about something, I pretty much always reach for a book. I'm a self- starter and like to learn on my own at my own pace. I don't have the concentration span for lectures nor like the rigidity of lesson plans. It's a wonder I made it through college at all, but then, the fact my Mum and Dad were struggling to pay for it, how could I not? I digress...
What I like about this book is how the author has been able to redefine what it means to be autistic and shed some positive light on this "life experience". He studies historical figures such as Thomas Jefferson, Alfred Einstein and Marie Curie, of many, and entertains the idea of placing them on the Autistic Spectrum (continuum). In essence, he argues that inspite of their idiosyncrasies and complex issues, it's their passions that made them brilliant.
Don't get me wrong. I am, by no means, equating myself or Luke with these historical figures but it does give food for thought. The book provides hope for me and paves a way forward for Luke. It is through his passion that he is also most likely to find happiness and success. Do I like that it's currently motorcycles? Not really but it could change, and even if it doesn't, I've never taken it lightly when someone has tried to dissuade me from what I want to do. So it really is pointless to try.
And for me? I am learning so much more about myself, and more importantly, so much more self-acceptance in my little quirks. In particular, really like the list in the back entitled "Aspergers Traits That Make Us Happy"
- Show a dependable commitment to telling the truth and being straight up
- Offer help and be accommodating
- Reliable at keeping promises
- Strong ties to home and family
- Obey rules
- Be creative in several interest areas
- Natural sense of fairness and justice
- Not budging on principles
- Appealing droll sense of humour
- Set high standards for his/her own work
- Be organized and get things done
- Inspire confidence by virtue of Intelligence and reserve.
All of which, by the way, describe me. I obey even if I don't want to.
OK, Ella has just "reminded" me she has got to go to school, so off to take her to the bus stop.
Have a great day!